LEAVE ALL

It's time to tell the story of LEAVE ALL.

When I went to Greenville a month or so ago to have lunch with my parents' good friend Dave, he told me about one thing in particular that really stuck with me. Stuck with me in the way of sticking in my throat, feeling physically there, like that lump that comes up when I can no longer hide how I really feel.

You see, Dave met our family when I was still a blonde cherub in diapers, and he spent more intense time with Dad than anyone else during that period. He was the driver and Dad was the attendant on an ambulance in downtown Atlanta at the end of the 60's. Lots to see, lots to experience, lots to share with each other.

So what did they talk about, riding around in that ambulance? Here are Dave's words:

Dave: A lot of the theme of what he was talking about, that he kept coming back to, was the notion of leaving all, as a concept, to follow Jesus. We had a lot of serious set-tos about that.
Me: Leaving ALL?
Dave: I think that's what he was trying to thrash out. He was very interested in not being materialistic, and he didn't want to own any more than he had to, to get by with. I can remember saying, "but Al, you've got a family to take care of," and he'd say, "but the Bible says, 'leave all, and follow me.'"
Me: Leave all, including your family, apparently.
Dave: Well, that's where his mind was going, and I couldn't understand that. I never could quite get an emotional understanding of his urge to shuck everything and leave. It seems to me that was an urge from when I first met him--that concept was something he was mulling in his mind.

I came home from Greenville and sat with it. Here was proof that from when I was in diapers, my dad was trying to figure out a way to leave me behind. And then, when I turned 6, he did. For the first time, anyway.

My head knows that it's not about me--he was mentally ill, and desperately seeking to justify his urge to escape the pressures of his life. But my heart just doesn't get it.